Love and the toilet paper roll -Brittany Begley

My husband and I have been through it all when it comes to our marriage but there was one thing we just couldn’t come to terms with….chores.

When we first got married, we had nothing.  I remember we spent our honeymoon on a road trip listening to a mixed CD, eating fried chicken and fantasizing about what we expected out of marriage. Sure, we knew it would be hard, but we were in our early twenties, and at that age you think you have the whole world figured out.

Fast forward five years later, throw in a dog, a preschooler, two careers and a house that always needs something cleaned, and you can say that our idea of marriage has completely changed.  In fact, a few months ago, I found myself in the bathroom seriously contemplating the state of our marriage…all because the toilet paper roll was not on the holder. I mean, it’s such a simple thing to do! 

Even though I was mad about the toilet paper, it was clear I was upset about something bigger, and that changes were necessary.

Maintaining a household is hard work.  Maintaining a household with a personal schedule virtually opposite from your spouse is even harder work.  Add in the stresses from bills, college loans and the like, and it’s easy to forget why you fell in love in the first place. 

I honestly believe this is what happened with my husband and me, until the fateful toilet roll day.  Our household was operating in shifts – I wake up super early to get to the station, my husband wakes up at a “normal” time, gets our son up and ready for preschool, drops him off and heads to his work.  I pick up our son from preschool, spend time with him, feed him dinner, at which time  my husband typically gets home.  I then head to bed early and my husband spends time with our son until it is his bedtime. 

In these “shifts” we run, we were “supposed” to do the household chores.  I felt like he never held up his end of the bargain in that department, and I’m sure in his view, he held a similar opinion about me.  Unfortunately, until recently, we never voiced our frustration with the other… just kept running our “shifts”.  Over time, our young love turned to resentment, and finally to outright anger.

So, as I stood in the bathroom staring at the toilet paper roll sitting on top of the toilet, I remember thinking I was tired of feeling like an unappreciated maid.  I resented the fact that I was spending my days off cleaning. It never seemed like it got anywhere… why was there ALWAYS something to clean?!  Wasn’t he supposed to help too? 

To me, I had more in common with the toilet paper roll than I did my husband; empty on the inside, unraveling on the outside and in this particular case, not attached to anything!  I clearly had enough.  I stormed towards the living room, smoke billowing from my ears, prepared to let him (and quite possibly our neighbors) know exactly how mad I was…

After fifteen or so minutes of shouting and playing the “blame game”, I found myself quite surprised that my husband felt the same way I did – unappreciated.  He brought up that fact that every time he would do a chore I would complain about the quality of work, even if I wasn’t willing to do the work myself at the time. 

He had a valid point; I DO complain when he does certain chores. I can’t stand it when my husband throws work clothes in the laundry with towels!  Ah, seriously, could you imagine if I were to report the traffic in a dress filled with lint and bleach spots! My husband, the Tyler Florence wanna be, would always find something wrong with my cooking.

So, we decided to split up the chores according to our “likes” and agreed  not to complain, unless the chore itself didn’t get done!

On that note, who wants to come home to an unhappy spouse complaining about the chores? I know I don’t. Plus, nothing kills the mood like the “chore list” conversation! So, we started using upsees.com. It’s a great way to keep track of the chores, plus,upsees.com does all the hard work for you by sending out reminder notes. Did I mention it’s free.!?

I’m not sure if my husband and I will ever figure “it” out but I take comfort in knowing that we are a team! In fact, my husband even proofed this article…..so, if there is a problem with the grammar…blame him!

LOL-Brittany